I once read from an article somewhere that in the world that we’re living right now, legality has replaced morality.

Last night, unintentionally, I watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose and The Devil’s Advocate consecutively. Both movies have a lot of things in common, two of them being the courtroom dramas and demons.

From which I learned that lawyers are the best liars, storytellers and can sometimes be able to fabricate the most creative instance you could ever think of.

I could have loved being a lawyer.

—-

In the Philippine masa, Halloween is celebrated by visiting dead relatives in the cemetery, and most of the time, even spending the night there.

In our family, Halloween serves as a time for reunion. Reunion for us does not mean birthdays, Christmas, New Year, or any festivity for that matter. It’s October 31, where we would all meet up in the wee hours of the morning at my great-grandmother and uncle’s tomb, sleeping there and spending the whole day of November 1 just hanging around, listening to everyone’s stories with their usual lives.

Aside from Halloween, it is in a relative’s wake that you would see faces that you have not seen before.

They belong to the family tree, by the way. They just chose that occasion to make their presence felt.

Last November 1 was the most eventful of all my Halloweens.

With 16-year-old cuz’s disappearance [which was attributed to tanan], the family’s seemingly acceptance of Tito Pogi’s adultery and the adding amount of reklamo about her wife, Tito Pogi’s sister’s whining about her irrational manugang, and the catch-up story of 6-years-older-than-me cousin who, apparently, is the girlfriend of a guy with a wife and two kids, all went well.

We were still happy and we celebrate this event like this.

And when darkness creeps between the engravings and the dews in the grass beds, we got about our usual lives.

How well do people know me?

Determine the following whether true or false(Kahit try lang. ;p).

1. I have an IQ of 117.
2. My father is currently living with us.
3. I have five siblings.
4. The size of my feet is nine and a half inches.
5. My favorite colour is gold.
6. I used two letters as initials for my middle name.
7. I fell in love with my teacher when I was in high school.
8. I never had a boyfriend.
9. I’m allergic to alcohol.
10. I live in a bungalow.

[Edited: Oct. 30, 2007]

1. True, according to an IQ test I took about two years ago (Though I now doubt it’s validity ).
2. False.
3. False.
4. True. Badtrip ‘tong paa na ‘to, eh!
5. False. Green.
6. True, to represent Dela Pena.
7. True.
8. True.
9. True.
10. False, I live in a building.

Sorry I haven’t been bloghopping lately. Seems like there are other things that occupy my mind this vacation. But I read your posts through Google, guys.

Cartoon Network put too many commercials in between cuts of Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper.

Gaaahd, I’m too old to watch Barbie. I don’t even friggin’ like her. She’s like, the perfect epitome of beauty—bullshit, I mean. C’mon. Blonde, blue eyed, long-legged, and flawless? No wonder everybody wants to be white.

Anyway, stupid me. I still wasted two hours of my life watching it.

I guess everybody, despite the global warming, the Glorietta bombing (Wow, Wikipedia already has an entry about it.), the corruption, dandruff and porn, still wants a happy ending. Admit it. That’s why you watch fantaseryes, chick flicks, Jackie Chan movies; believe(d) in Santa Claus, Snow White, Superman; read Harry Potter, romance pocketbooks; and still lives. Because in your subconscious, you hold on to everything that has some connection to it.

Nothing feels natural anymore.

Just when I thought I would get my blogging juice back again since it’s vacation, my thinking wheel got rusty and went into hibernation. When I thought having more time to see and talk to my friends again would energize me, it brought me the opposite. I was just so tired. When I thought this vacation would give me enough time to reflect what happened to me during my first semester, I failed myself. I just don’t want to think. I. JUST. DON’T. WANT. TO. THINK.

Okay, fine, Yna. No one’s forcing you to. THEN. DON’T. THINK.

But this thing probed me into thinking. Why had I suddenly come into this state? I mean, I sure am grateful it’s vacation; it means more time to myself and less pressure. I’ve written before that doing to many things leaves you less time to think, therefore, less blogging. I am given this time, this chance to probe into my deepest recesses, contemplate life’s mysteries, to share and imagine. And I’m darn wasting it.

I suddenly thought of I love doing as of the moment: reading. It’s very unnatural of me to just sit or lay for hours and read a novel or some poetry. But it felt so, so natural, as if I’m doing it all my life and I’m supposed to do it. It sounds the crazy, the same way it feels crazy now that I think about it.

Have you ever been aware of how your usual routines, your everyday desires, your usual line of thinking change? We’re so used with the world that we fail to notice it. I think the best way to start noticing it is to start with ourselves. What do I usually do before? What are the things that I loved doing and wanted to do? I loved blogging, I wanted to be an investigative journalist, I considered thinking a habit, I looked forward into reading or listening to other people’s thoughts, I…There are so many ‘I’s. Maybe I don’t really notice the world. I just notice myself. Self-centeredness.

Doing what one wants to do sometimes lead to that wearisome of that want (WTH did I just say?). We want something when we don’t have it. And when we already have that, we devour it, taste its very splendor…enjoy it. Until we get used to having that once want. And then we’d get tired of it. But come to think of it, it was once what we wanted, and then when we get so used to it, we wanted to get out of it, to vomit it, as if it’s a dangerous substance that might poison our body.

For what I know, I might as well have been poisoned slowly.